Giving Yourself Permission

Cancer affects so many people.   I know.  My husband of 12 years died from a form of leukemia some 22 years ago.   The life that we had dreamed about and planned for ourselves and our four sons abruptly ended one day in April.   April 1st to be exact.  


He was diagnosed in December, just before Christmas.  The next few months were a blur.   We were starting the even years.   Meaning,  our oldest son was already 8 and the three youngest would be 6, 4 and 2 after April 1.   The oldest two sons stayed with their dad's parents so they could go to school.   The youngest two were with me at my mom's.  We had transferred hospitals so that he could get the best care possible.  The separation was hard on all of us.  

After chemotherapy, radiation and a bone marrow transplant; remission was not meant to be.  He suffered from severe side effects from the chemo and whole body radiation.  It wasn't easy for me to watch, helplessly.   He died just before Easter.  

The hardest part of all of this was when I told my babies that their daddy was dying.   I remember telling them in the hospital waiting room.   We cried and cried.   Their hearts, and mine, were broken. 

Life 'charges' forward.   Our boys are now young men.  Successful and responsible young men.  Our family has grown with wives, girlfriends and grandbabies.   Three beautiful grandbabies. 

We were blessed with wonderful family and  friends during that time.   Someone was always calling and asking what they could do.   It was hard for me to ask for help.  I had always been able to take care of my family and extend help to others.   But, late one night, my closest friend made an statement that has impacted me to this day.  She said, "I can't help you if you don't tell me what you need."   That still holds true today.

They say that 'time heals all wounds'.   But, I say, not wounds of the heart.   Time only takes away the sharp edges.  We move on.   We have to move on.   Give yourself permission to live.   That is hard to do.  But, do it, anyway!  Otherwise, you'll miss out on so much.

My wonderful friend also said, "One door has been shut.  But, you have so many other doors to open."  She was right.  She was helping me to give myself persmission to live.   I'm so glad she was put into my life when I needed her the most.  Her wisdom still follows me today.

Families are also the 'survivors' of cancer.   Take care of yourself.   Take care of your family and friends.   And.....give yourself permission to live.   You have to!

Living a WOO HOO life together.

'Til next time.  Believe.